So, I look around me, and a bunch of people appear to know exactly what to do in any given situation. Yet, when I’m faced with more than making a cup of tea, I hesitate and wonder. How do you know the difference between serving and codependency? How do you know the difference between reconciliation and doormatism? Fortunately for me, I’m married to a marriage and family therapist. He’s been working on me for 48 years, not in public or anything, but kind of nudge therapy.
For instance, every Saturday morning since we got smart, we eschew the world, and hold a pow wow on our bed. Usually, we start off with small talk, or what the coming week looks like. I admit, I do most of the talking. Suppose, after we get the small talk and planning out of the way, I said, “OK, So and So said such and such about whoseit. Do I have any place in this?”
I can tell you what he would say, or pretty close. “Do you have a monkey in this circus?”
That would make me consider. I do this best out loud. “Well, whoseit is my friend, maybe I’m supposed to defend or support her?”
And he’d say, “Does she need defending or supporting, or can she handle it herself?” (See that’s the codependency thing. If she can do it herself, and I get involved, I’m being … codependent.) I’ll leave the reconciliation vs. doormat thing for another time, but get my drift.
Honestly, it’s a little irritating to me that I can’t have this whole conversation with myself. However, on the other hand, God made us to need each other, right? So, maybe I’m ok needing the “Old Man” to help me think. He, on the other hand, does most of this kind of thinking inside his head. That’s why he’s the mft, and I’m not. He has other stuff he needs to hear out loud, like whether we’ll populate Mars, or if he ought to make a pinhole camera to watch the solar eclipse with. I just smile and nod, and encourage.
I’m beginning to suspect there may be more people like me than I thought. Otherwise, the Old Man would be out of a job, right?