When I Am an Old Woman

There’s this poem I really like called, surprise, When I Am an Old Woman. It instigated the red hat society, to which I do not belong, though I believe I have attained the status of old woman. At least to one of my daughters, who shall be named, Laura. Be sure to find this poem and read it. At any rate, I like the poem especially because it says the old woman should learn to spit. That makes me think of Titanic, too, but I digress. I have not learned to spit worth a darn, especially not out of car windows. However, I have learned other things. You poor unfortunate, I am about to share them with you.

  1. New puppies have to go out in the middle of the night to do their business like new babies have to be fed. If you are over 65, your body will not find this amusing.
  2. God loves you whether you behave well or not. The older you get, the more you will appreciate this.
  3. Love is action more than feeling. If you need proof, remember that God is love, then think of what you have that He didn’t give you, how much He anticipates your future, and is there ahead of you, teaching you and guiding you.
  4. Deodorant works well on other parts of your body than under your arms. To avoid TMI, I will leave it at that.
  5. Keep your body moving, or it will drag you to a stop.
  6. As my old daddy used to say, “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” Now for those of you who are thinking you really didn’t want to catch any flies anyway, that is not the point. Think about it.
  7. Encouragement is much more motivating than criticism. (See #6)
  8. Cleanliness is not next to godliness. Scripture doesn’t say that, and my life bears out this proverb: cleanliness is only useful as it prevents disease, godliness is godliness.
  9. Comparing yourself to someone else is a colossal waste of time.
  10. Children decide how to honor their parents, not vice versa. However, children should keep in mind that parents don’t generally speak up when they need something.
  11. The Bible does say not to toot your own horn. That makes marketing books really tricky.
  12. Don’t eat when you’re not thinking about it.
  13. If we spend more time watching TV than we do in prayer or studying the Word, we are really screwed up.
  14. When someone asks you to pray for them, do it, right then, where they can hear you. It matters.
  15. Your neighbor is whoever.
  16. Take all the stuff you can’t figure out to God. Then listen.
  17. Buy a robot vacuum cleaner as soon as you can afford to.
  18. Get outside and play, in whatever way works for you.
  19. Leave every place you are a little better than you found it.
  20. Leave every person you touch a little better than you found them.

That is all for now. (But I know a whole lot more.)

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