I’m studying Exodus. Moses was a reluctant spokesman for God to the pharoah of Egypt. I suspect he may have started out as a people pleaser, as opposed to a God pleaser. I have been called a people pleaser, by others and by my inner voice, Weezer, who is a … bitch.
I have this issue. Here it is. God created us to need each other, to be relational. We need to give and receive love. So when does that become people pleasing?
First, I looked up what a people pleaser does. This is adapted from Psychology Today.
we disobey what God says, or our own moral code, to please a person
we never evaluate the availability of our time or inclination before we say yes
we’re unable to manage our health because we’re overcommitted to others
we make all the plans
we do all this because we live in anxiety from early relationships, and that causes fear of failure or rejection
So, I hit that list on all five points. Great, what do I do? Hebrews 11:27 says this about Moses: “By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing Him Who is invisible.” He kept checking in with God, again and again and again. And as he did, he became a God pleaser instead of a people pleaser.
So I made a longer list of how I can do this in practicality. Here you go:
Put time with God early in my day
Track my food
Exercise before I start my “to do” list
Speak up for myself, and remember, the outcome of speaking up is not the issue
Attend events less frequently and use the time to recharge
Identify one responsibility I can cancel to gain free time for myself
Teach people how to behave toward me by rejecting behavior I don’t want
Say no to something small
Express my opinion and learn from people who disagree
So there you go. Next is, practice, practice, practice. And tell your Weezer to shut the hell up.
Bonnie O’Sullivan turns to put apples in her shopping cart to find her daughter, Fallon, smiling toothlessly–but her best friend’s daughter vanished. Disappeared into nothing, and never found.
Bonnie rescues sea otters as a biologist at Monterey Bay Aquarium, but her love of adventure doesn’t extend to her daughter as Fallon matures. Haunted by the kidnapping, Bonnie confines Fallon to Seascape, their ranch stronghold. Red-headed Fallon responds by perfecting rebellion. Now a shadowed gunman has fired at Bonnie from a ridge on the ranch. Who is he? Why is he shooting at her?
Quinn, Bonnie’s ocean-hopping Irish husband, is no help. He easily dismisses Bonnie’s fears and believes it’s time to give their daughter more freedom. After the shooting, he and Fallon find a gold coin where the gunman stood on the ridge. What does it mean?
Does Graciela Castaneda, Fallon’s beloved nanny, have any part in the mysteries?
Will Fallon barrel race herself to freedom?
What will a courageous, but overprotective, mother risk to provide her daughter a safe harbor?
Rogue Wave, the first novel in the Seascape Saga, answers the question, “How do we find the courage to face fear?
For about ten years, my husband, the marriage and family therapist, and I led Stepping Stones, a support group for adults abused as children. It was peculiar in that we didn’t sit around commiserating, but studied Scripture on how to climb out of that pit together. The topics are:
Face the Problem
Assess the Damage and Make the Commitment to Recover
Correct Your View of God
Set Healthy Boundaries
Improve Your Self-Image
Learn to Control Anger and Depression
Increase Your Capacity to Trust
Deal With Sexual Issues
Give and Accept Forgiveness
Determine Whether to Confront Your Abuser
Life Beyond Survival
So, we’re thinking about putting the material online for people who don’t live near us to use to recover. Anybody out there interested in something like this? If so, what do you think would be a fair price? If you’re out there feeling alone with your secret, I’m talking to you, and praying for you.